When Love Is Preparing to Build a Home in a New Country

For many Iranian couples, deciding to marry in Vancouver is not simply a decision about their relationship. It may coincide with building a life in a new country, establishing a career, adapting to a different culture, living far from family, or worrying about their future immigration status. Under these circumstances, the couple faces not only the question, “Do we love each other?” but also a more important one:

“Can we be a reliable team for one another within the realities of immigrant life?”

A relationship may feel intimate and promising during brief visits, trips, or long-distance conversations, but living together in Vancouver introduces different realities. The high cost of living, work-related pressure, loneliness, the absence of daily family support, and differences in how quickly each partner adapts may reveal aspects of the relationship that did not have an opportunity to emerge while the couple was dating.

Premarital counselling in Farsi in Vancouver provides a space to understand these realities. Its purpose is neither to frighten a couple away from marriage nor to hastily validate a decision that has already been made.

Sometimes, two people agree about getting married but have entirely different visions of the life they will build afterward.

One partner may consider Vancouver their permanent home, while the other still views returning to Iran or immigrating to another country as a serious possibility. One may expect the first years of marriage to focus on work, education, and achieving financial stability, while the other imagines marriage as the beginning of a calmer period with greater emotional presence.

These differences are not usually clarified through a general question such as “Do we want to stay in Canada?” The couple needs to discuss realistic scenarios:

The purpose of these questions is not to obtain promises that can never be changed. It is to help the couple understand what kind of future is taking shape in each person’s mind.

In some relationships, one partner has stronger English skills, entered the labour market sooner, or is more familiar with Canadian systems. The other may become dependent on that person for banking, healthcare, administrative matters, or even everyday communication.

This dependence may initially be natural and temporary. However, if it is not discussed, it can gradually affect the couple’s sense of equality. The person carrying more responsibility may become exhausted and controlling. The more dependent partner may experience helplessness, shame, or a loss of independence.

Premarital counselling explores whether helping the other person still takes the form of support or whether one partner is gradually beginning to make decisions on the other’s behalf. The couple also learns how to preserve both partners’ autonomy and voices without denying their genuine differences.

Geographical distance does not necessarily reduce a family’s influence. Daily phone calls, family group chats, money transfers, trips to Iran, and expectations regarding support for parents can make extended family an active part of the couple’s life in Vancouver.

At the same time, the absence of family during difficult periods can create considerable pressure. A couple who would have received support from relatives during illness, financial hardship, or childcare challenges in Iran may find themselves alone in Canada. Under these circumstances, each person may expect their future spouse to compensate for every form of support they have lost.

Before marriage, it is important to clarify:

These conversations are not intended to weaken family bonds. Their purpose is to help the couple build an independent identity without disconnecting from their family roots.

For couples in which one partner is Iranian and the other comes from a different cultural background, mutual love and respect provide a valuable starting point. However, some differences may not reveal their true significance until the relationship approaches marriage.

These differences may involve the wedding ceremony, relationships with family members, religion, ways of hosting guests, the language spoken at home, or occasions such as Nowruz. Even simple behaviours may carry different meanings. What one person considers family closeness may feel like an invasion of privacy to the other. What one partner calls independence may be experienced as indifference by the other.

In these relationships, the purpose of counselling is not to eliminate cultural differences or require one person to assimilate into the other’s culture. The couple needs to create a third culture of their own—one that is neither entirely Iranian nor entirely Canadian, but a living and equitable agreement between both partners.

The central question is this: Do both cultures have an opportunity to be seen within the relationship, or must one person always translate, explain, and adapt themselves to the other’s framework?

Before marriage, some couples have spent a significant amount of time living in different cities or countries. A long-distance relationship can create profound emotional intimacy, but it is usually structured around selected moments. To some extent, each person decides when to call, what to reveal, and when to return to their personal space.

Living together introduces the less selective parts of a relationship: end-of-day exhaustion, commuting, financial worries, irritability, repetitive responsibilities, and different needs for time alone.

Before marrying, the couple should consider how much continuous, real-life experience they have of being together. If most of the relationship has been long-distance, the decision should not rely solely on the quality of emotional conversations. The couple needs to develop a more realistic understanding of the transition from a scheduled relationship to everyday life together.

Some emotional experiences can be described in a second language, but not always with the same precision, nuance, or depth as in one’s first language. A couple may be able to explain a disagreement in English but struggle to communicate the cultural meanings of shame, duty, jealousy and protectiveness, respect, family reputation, or guilt toward family members.

Counselling in Farsi is not merely a translation of words. A Farsi-speaking therapist can better understand the cultural context of statements, family sensitivities, and conflicts between Iranian values and life in Canada—without justifying harmful behaviour in the name of culture.

For intercultural couples, cultural concepts can also be explained in language that both partners understand, ensuring that neither person feels like an “outsider” in the conversation.

Premarital counselling sessions in Vancouver are offered online. Couples living in Vancouver, North Vancouver, Richmond, Burnaby, and Coquitlam can therefore attend without commuting.

At the beginning of the process, the couple’s concerns, expectations, and particular circumstances are identified. Rather than using the same general program for everyone, topics are selected according to the couple’s own life—for example, one partner’s immigration, cultural differences, family opposition, a long-distance relationship, or uncertainty about their future plans in Canada.

The number of sessions is not predetermined or identical for every couple. It depends on the complexity of the decisions involved and the couple’s specific needs.

Before Building a Home, Talk About Its Blueprint

Marriage after immigration can mark the beginning of a meaningful and growth-promoting stage of life, but love alone cannot manage the pressures of building a new life. A couple who discusses their immigration future, differences in the pace of adaptation, family involvement, and cultural identities before marriage enters the commitment with a deeper understanding.

Premarital counselling helps two people prepare not only for a wedding ceremony or marriage registration, but also for building a life that can endure the realities of living in Vancouver.

To receive premarital counselling in Farsi in Vancouver and explore the specific circumstances of your relationship, you can book an online session.

Dr. Taraneh Moazzeni holds a Ph.D. in Clinical Psychology and is an RCC in British Columbia and a CCC across Canada. She provides specialized premarital counselling in Farsi, with attention to the immigration experience, cultural differences, and each couple’s unique needs.