When the city hasn’t become home yet, moving through loneliness after migration
How to build belonging again in Canada
Sometimes loneliness in exile doesn’t begin with the big moments — it comes from the small ones. From the day you have good news and don’t know who to tell right away. From a rainy evening when the streets are full of people, but no one is waiting for you to arrive. From a short illness that suddenly makes the thousands of kilometres between you and your family feel very real. Or from a weekend when the calendar is empty, and the silence in the apartment is louder than usual.
You might be working or studying in Canada, running errands, chatting with coworkers, and connected to dozens of people on social media — and still feel that no one truly knows you.
Loneliness after migration doesn’t mean you’re incapable of making friends, or that you weren’t built for life in a new country. Migration abruptly removes, from everyday reach, a network that took years — sometimes since childhood — to form. Back home, many relationships were simply present in your life without any planning: family, neighbours, a longtime coworker, a friend who knew your history. In Canada, you have to consciously build what once formed naturally around you.
This article explains why loneliness happens after migration, and how to focus not just on the number of people you know, but on the quality of connection, a sense of belonging, and building a real support network.
What exactly is loneliness?
Are we alone, or do we feel that no one knows us? Loneliness and being alone are not the same thing. A person can live alone and still feel calm and connected, or be surrounded by family, a busy workplace, or a group of friends, and still feel lonely. In psychology, loneliness usually refers to the gap between the relationships a person longs for and the relationships they actually experience.
It also helps to distinguish between three different experiences:
1
Emotional loneliness
The absence of one or more close relationships in which a person feels safe, understood, and intimate.
2
Social loneliness
The feeling of lacking a group, circle, or community that a person feels part of.
3
Social isolation
An objective limitation in contacts, interactions, or social roles.
This distinction matters because the solutions aren’t the same. Attending more events may reduce social isolation, but it won’t necessarily eliminate emotional loneliness. Reducing emotional loneliness requires a relationship with time, trust, real conversation, and mutual experience.
Why can migration intensify feelings of loneliness?
📊 Public Health Agency of Canada report, 2024
Immigrant loneliness isn’t only an individual issue. Language, employment status, cost of living, experiences of discrimination, cultural differences, and limited access to support can all affect a person’s ability to form relationships. A 2024 report from the Public Health Agency of Canada also finds that newcomers may feel a sense of belonging within their own ethnocultural community, while still facing difficulty connecting with the broader community because of language barriers, employment challenges, and discrimination.
A review of reporting from Immigration, Refugees and Citizenship Canada has similarly found that immigrants typically report a lower initial sense of local belonging than Canadian-born residents, a gap that narrows over time. So feeling like an outsider in the first months or years isn’t necessarily a permanent state. Belonging is usually the product of time and sustained participation.
1
Losing relationships that carried a shared history
Old friends weren’t just people to talk to — they had witnessed parts of your life. You didn’t need to explain most of your experiences to them. In a new country, re-introducing yourself to new people can be exhausting. A new relationship doesn’t yet have shared memory, private references, or tested trust.
2
Differences in communication style
Canadian culture often places a strong emphasis on personal space, independence, and planning ahead. A coworker’s warm manner may not mean they’re ready for close friendship — just as not replying right away, or not being invited to something, doesn’t necessarily mean rejection. Misreading these cues can leave a person feeling discouraged, or overly guarded.
3
Exhaustion and lack of time
Building a relationship takes energy, while a newcomer is usually juggling work, studies, paperwork, and financial worry. When someone is tired, social activity is often the first thing to go. But dropping it repeatedly reduces the chances for connection to form, and the cycle of loneliness continues.
4
Fear of rejection
After a few unsuccessful attempts, the mind may conclude that “people here are cold,” or “no one wants a new friend.” This conclusion can stop a person from inviting others, following up, or showing up to gatherings. Reduced social effort then provides even more apparent evidence for that same belief.
Why does social connection matter for mental health?
📊 2024 scientific review and WHO, 2025
Social connection isn’t just a nice-to-have — it’s one of the significant factors in both mental and physical health. A scientific review published in 2024 finds substantial research evidence linking the quality of social connection to psychological, cognitive, and physical outcomes. In 2025, the World Health Organization also named social connection a significant public health issue.
Statistics Canada data show that people who always or often have someone to rely on report a stronger sense of belonging to their local community and better mental health than others. It’s worth noting that this research largely shows a statistical association, and it shouldn’t be concluded that every mental health difficulty is resolved simply by becoming more social. Still, a supportive relationship can make pressure more bearable and make access to help and resources easier.
How can you build a real social network in Canada?
1
Instead of “finding a friend,” find a recurring setting
Friendship usually isn’t the result of one extraordinary meeting. It’s the result of ordinary encounters, repeated. A weekly class, a sports group, volunteering, a professional association, a local library, or a language exchange group all increase the odds of seeing the same people again.
A random event might create an acquaintance, but regular attendance is what builds real familiarity. It’s better to choose one or two settings that fit your interests and show up consistently for at least a few weeks, rather than attending many different events sporadically.
2
Start the relationship with a shared activity
Direct conversation with strangers is hard for many people. A shared activity lowers the pressure of conversation and gives you a natural subject for connection. A group walk, an art class, a sport, volunteer work, or a professional project puts people in a position to get to know one another without the pressure of instant closeness.
When choosing an activity, don’t just think about where the most people will be — ask where you’re likely to meet people who share your values, life stage, or interests.
3
Bridge from casual familiarity to a next contact
Many relationships stall at the stage of a good conversation, because no one takes the next step. The suggestion should be simple, clear, and low-pressure: “I’m grabbing coffee after class Thursday, come along if you’d like.” A specific invitation is usually more effective than a vague “let’s get together sometime.”
If someone declines, don’t immediately take it as a sign that you’re unlikeable. Being busy, family plans, or fatigue could just as easily explain the response. At the same time, a healthy relationship needs participation on both sides. If, after a few attempts, there’s no interest or follow-up in return, put your energy into other relationships instead.
4
Let vulnerability be gradual
Closeness isn’t built by suddenly disclosing every personal matter. A safe relationship usually forms through gradual self-disclosure: interests and everyday experiences first, then opinions and more personal parts of your life. The other person’s response tells you whether it’s safe to take one more step toward trust.
A useful pattern: share a little more than the surface-level conversation calls for, notice the response, and give the other person equal room to share in return. Healthy closeness needs both honesty and boundaries.
5
Build a “layered” network
Expecting one person to meet all of your emotional and social needs puts a lot of strain on a relationship. A healthy network can have several layers: one or two close relationships, activity-based friends, trusted colleagues or classmates, neighbourhood acquaintances, and ties to a cultural or professional community.
At the same time, it’s best if your connections aren’t limited only to other Iranians, or only to non-Iranians. Relationships with fellow Persian speakers can create a sense of cultural understanding and safety. Connection with a more diverse range of people also helps you get to know your new community and can increase your sense of belonging.
6
Put friendship on the calendar
In adulthood, a relationship left entirely to “free time” is often postponed indefinitely. A weekly call, a monthly walk, or a regular shared meal might feel unspontaneous, but in Canada’s busy pace of life, planning is part of caring for a relationship.
A small rule — “one social action per week” — can help: send a message, suggest a get-together, show up to a group, or follow up with someone you’ve already met. The goal isn’t to fill your calendar immediately. It’s to keep steady momentum toward connection.
7
Don’t just wait to be invited
Sometimes, to feel sure of being welcome, an immigrant waits for others to make the first move. But many other people are also shy, busy, or waiting for an invitation themselves. Making a small first move isn’t imposing yourself — it gives the relationship information: does the other person also want to take a step?
8
Keep distant relationships, but don’t leave your whole life in the past
Staying in touch with family and friends in Iran can be an important source of support. Still, if every free hour goes to online calls with the past, there’s little room left to build a local life. The goal isn’t to cut off old relationships — it’s to strike a balance where roots are kept and new relationships can still take shape in the present.
Common mental barriers on the path to making friends
Certain thoughts pull us back before a relationship even has a chance to form:
- “ If I do the inviting, I’ll look needy.
- “ Real friendship should form on its own.
- “ If someone doesn’t respond once, it means they don’t want me around.
- “ My English isn’t perfect, so conversation with me won’t be interesting.
- “ Everyone already has their group.
In cognitive behavioural therapy, thoughts like these aren’t accepted as settled fact — they’re often recognized as cognitive distortions. A useful question is: “What other explanations might there be, and what’s the smallest step I could take to test this belief?”
When we’re trying, but loneliness still remains
Sometimes a person is socially active, yet doesn’t feel seen in their relationships. In this situation, simply adding more plans to the calendar may not be enough. It’s worth examining:
- ? Is fear of judgment leading the person to hide real parts of themselves?
- ? Do they always end up in the listener/helper role?
- ? Do they keep ending up in one-sided relationships?
- ? Or have past experiences made it hard for them to trust?
Prolonged loneliness can also travel with anxiety, low mood, migration grief, or reduced self-confidence. When withdrawal, low motivation, or worry limits a person’s capacity to connect, counselling can help break this cycle.
How does psychotherapy help with loneliness after migration?
Psychotherapy isn’t meant to replace friends or community. Its goal is to help a person understand what’s getting in the way of connection, and to build healthier relationships. Treatment can focus on migration grief, social anxiety, fear of rejection, boundary-setting, communication skills, attachment patterns, and rebuilding a sense of belonging.
For some immigrants, talking with a counsellor who knows the Persian language and cultural context makes it easier to express emotional and family nuance. At the same time, the quality of the therapeutic relationship, the therapist’s professional competence, and the fit between the treatment approach and the person’s needs remain fundamentally important.
In closing: belonging is built from small steps
Home isn’t just the place we live — it’s somewhere part of us exists in the way others see us and remember us. After migration, rebuilding that feeling takes time. No new relationship can exactly replace a shared past, but it can create a new kind of security, companionship, and belonging.
A real social network isn’t built by quickly growing a list of acquaintances. It forms through repeated presence, a simple invitation, mutual follow-through, gradual vulnerability, and consistent care. Not every effort will lead to friendship, but each step increases the odds of finding people who will, over time, become witnesses to your new life.
If loneliness after migration, social anxiety, or difficulty trusting and connecting has been affecting your life, professional counselling can help you understand this cycle and find a path suited to your own experience.
Frequently Asked Questions
Why do we feel lonely after immigrating?
How can I make friends in Canada?
How long does it take to build a social network in a new country?
When should I see a counsellor about feeling lonely?
Is loneliness after migration weighing on you?
To talk in Persian about loneliness, social anxiety, and rebuilding a sense of belonging, get in touch with Dr. Taraneh Moazeni through the website.
